‘I feel a lot of the Wellness Industry is unwell and really… I’m in the business of relationships. I want people to know I see them and they are here to be seen. My job is to coach your truth into existence and support the cliff jump to deep dive this work takes. This work to reveal ourselves, our truth, our very souls, I’m not sure if this is the Wellness Industry.’
Many of us spend our lives feeling or being invisible, feeling misunderstood, separate from ‘the other’ and isolated. In part this is true because we are often wearing a false identity atop our truth, we’ve leant out of love and we barely like ourselves never mind love ourselves. We have designed a personality to suit our interpretation of what we ‘think’ the world wants. We’ve designed a super self, that’s not so super.
This impacts every area of life. Relationships become ‘disappointing,’ when our real needs are not met, jobs are ‘unsatisfactory,’ because we are in the wrong job playing the game of grown up, energy levels are non existent because the personality suit weighs more than any one human ought to be burdened to carry; motivation and mojo are a thing of the past, because we have topped up our wine glass one too many times and have disconnected from our inner cup which is half full now as opposed to running over. Our once buoyant joie de vivre packed its bags long ago for a solo adventure deep underground, because connection costs. We tell ourselves it’s painful, it’s frightening and it’s the last thing we want. It is of course the only thing we want.
Social media doesn’t always help, trying to find folks to follow, building a community with people who haven’t put the filter level up on their otherwise normal lives can be challenging. Even in writing the world normal I can feel judgment trying to creep in. Normal? Who would want to be normal? I’m galactic.
Our use of language is mind boggling, daily life has become fantastic, amazing, outstanding or awesome. I’ve recently taken to telling my truth when someone asks how I am…’I’m feeling a lot, I’ll say ‘I hadn’t realised how much grief I was hiding. I’m a bit sad and that’s okay.’ If people have stuck around long enough to hear the last part, there is an odd sorry for you face which creeps over them. The discomfort is palpable. The urge to sprint takes over like catching the last night bus home. Here’s the trick instead of running from the discomfort let’s all give ourselves permission to squirm; to learn comfort from our discomfort. This is gentle strength, a martial arts master, a Buddhist in easy pose, an eagle stretched out in the thermals. Gentle strength is my new outfit. It pinches in places, but I’m having this piece made to measure from the inside out. It’s a designer piece for life and it won’t be handed down to anyone. I’ll be buried in it.
There is another way when we disclose our truth, use our voice and say it’s not okay. I have beautiful hearted friends who accept my genuineness, my pain and hold the space for me to feel this, because they know if I don’t my body it’ll be worse in the long run.
These love warriors don’t hug out my tears, they sit and wait for me to blow my nose, tremble less and sip some water. They don’t tell me ‘there, there, wanna cookie?’ I do enough self-medicating at times without being assisted. Feelings? You can get packed down with some Jaffa cakes and a pot of tea.
When we find family who allow us and even writing ‘allow’ is maddening, to think it’s come to being ‘allowed’ to feel our experiences, but when we do gather community, who enable, support, hold space for us, it must be allowed. We have been trained to accept overwhelm as normal, exhaustion as a prerequisite for success and heaven forbid you tell anyone you’re tired or in need of a good healthy hormone releasing weep. Oh the cleanse of a good cry, women and men alike, letting it all out, balled up like a kitten under the duvet. There is no shame in this do you understand me? There is to be no guilt in this, in letting a broken heart finally heal. In finally exploring what you’ve been hiding, covering up. Vulnerability is a gift. Telling everyone everything is okay is a death certificate. Allowing yourself to be held and heard by yourself in the first instance and by your community who support you is vital. This is leaning back into love, this is the beginning of self-love and this is the start of truth.
We’ve distorted the concept of grief making it vulgar and unwanted, but grief is essential to any recovery and really, aren’t we all recovering from something? Heart break, social addictions, drinking, recreational drugs, shopping, wellness, green smoothie overdose, disappointment in life not working out the way you wanted or even life totally turning out the way you wanted. Sometimes it’s hard to tell which is more terrifying living the programme version of your life or living the life you were born to. Everything is hard, even with our increasing spiritual and wellness based practices, life can and does kick you in the ass. This is the world of being an adult; of moving from maiden to Goddess and Goddess to crone. There’s no place for baby voices, toddler tantrums or self neglect here. Adults Ville is calling and guess what? It is a place of reverence, dignity and peace.
If I feel a client is lingering in denial and let’s be honest aren’t we all at certain points, I ask them ‘what were you like as a kid, who were you then?’ I want to know how they spent their time, what they wanted to be, how they played and so on. From here I can understand what stories their super ego, ego and inner critic have penned over the years. We want to dissolve these stories as gracefully as possible. Our adult fears are often childhood fears stuffed down and left to ferment. They colour everything. The sooner fear and it’s mates shame, guilt and anger are explored, the healthier for the body, soul and life overall.
Working with timelines, meditations, enquiries and cultural markers also tell me a lot about the role a person is playing and what they are like when the mask is removed post show. We really tell ourselves the most horrific crap. Quick fix is the new dominatrix, but it’s not something I have time for. I’m a plaster and scab off healer. A deep diver, there’s always a moment when I’m with a client or a group of people and I feel the preverbal penny drop, they know they are not getting away with anything, any behavior which has enabled them to slip out of their growth periods, they know their bullshit is getting called and they know it’s time.
This work is a pilgrimage to discovery. It’s an opportunity to pioneer our own life. To connect in and reduce overwhelm. It’s unlearning as opposed to learning anything else. We have plenty in our toolkits; we need to pop some tools aside for later. However a daily practice of something, vitamins, water, not punching someone in the face, hitting the yoga mat instead, meditating, enjoying a cup of tea uninterrupted, a nap…the simple things we have labeled unattainable, these are the sorts of daily practice and tools which support us in our evolution. The bin everything, start again, diet on Monday, gym ten times a week, story telling, personality overcoat wearing, this times it’s real love and I’ll get it right bullshit (written with increasing speed and volume I might add) does not serve us. We can no longer deny our hunger for internal connection. Our relationship to ourselves is battle scarred; to begin ensures we are soothed and moving into something truly interesting; being conscious for the rest of our lives. Our relationship to ourselves is sacred.
Our life is to be savored not gulped.
If you’re interested in moving from gulp to savor, join us for our retreats in May and October.
Blush Love Retreat is magical mix of Quantum Meditation, Kundalini Yoga and Qoya in the lush greens of the UK and Portugal.
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